im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
