if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
