garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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