I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Two words: blizzard sex
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
