why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
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Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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