You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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