I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize