ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
