I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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