She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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