I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
