first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All the doctor said was why
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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