every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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