just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
