She went from zero to smokin in five shots
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
