haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
