Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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