Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Found your dick twin last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
