I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
