Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
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Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
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Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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