Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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