OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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