i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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