he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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