ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
