At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
