Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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