Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
farters have to be the big spoon...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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