i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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