i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
ugly people sure do ruin things
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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