I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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