She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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