So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
