I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
