allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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