I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can't turn off my feet"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
