My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
