Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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