His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
