is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
