Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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