I wannas sexs uuuuu
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
