The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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