her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you made out with another girl for some wings
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
