My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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