Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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