do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
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I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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