I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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