i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
