Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
