last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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