hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
