Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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