I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We just shotgunned beers for America
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
