I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
