I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
