how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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