Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
