I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
