don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
3pm strippers are depressing
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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