youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
