i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
His hands were made for my vagina.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
