the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
