i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
