you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
did i walk over a car last night?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
