That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I cut my penus on the lid.
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I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
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Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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